To the warriors of light, there is no such thing as impossible love.
They don’t allow themselves to be intimidated by silence, or by rejection.
They know that – behind the icy mask people wear – there is a heart of fire.
That is why the warriors risk more than others.
They tirelessly seek love – even if this means hearing, many times over, the word ‘no’, returning home defeated, feeling rejected in body and soul.
Warriors don’t allow themselves to be discouraged. Without love, living has no meaning.
“So whatever you write on your blog is true?” He asked.
“What?”
“About the girls, love etc etc.”
“Kinda true, but not entirely. True stories never make a good fiction. I have not come across anything like that. “
“So what’s your true story then?”
“You wouldn’t like to hear that. Its not your type. As far as I know you. “
Uh-huh! Go on, the power is off and we don’t have anything better than this to do. “
“Deal! But get me the coffee you usually make. It takes me to the real mood to tell stories. “
It was gently drizzling outside my friend’s room. He never asked about my blog, though I know he silently follows my blog. I don’t know what made him to talk about that now. In this weather, there is nothing like a cup of strong coffee with a great friend to chat.
I turned to see my friend come to me with two hot mugs of coffee and we settled down in his balcony. I always like to spend time there. Hearing him play his guitar in the balcony in the evenings make the best of my days.
“So what would you like to hear?”
“The real story of yours than you write in your blog”
“I have loved, I am still in love. All my inspirations come from her and the situations that would have, could have and should have happened.
“So such things never happen?”
“It happens once you start believing such things would happen to you. To open your mind to such situations to come to you”
I know what he is talking. Such things never came into my life. I had a girlfriend. I never talked to anyone in this city about that. I know this guy for 3 years now, since I moved to this city. He is my best pal, but still I cannot open up to him. Thinking of her brings a lot of hurt”
“… that kind of certainty comes only once in the life time.
“Sorry what were you saying?”
“I said, looking into her eyes for the first time, and feeling the sparks fly all around you, a sudden flash comes to your mind that you are destined to live with her. That kind of certainty comes only once in the life time”
True! I felt the same way. But things just don’t happen the way we want right? People have priorities and they make compromises. I made one and she made one too. I still know where she lives. But what’s the point in pondering something that is never going to be yours?
“So I met this girl in a hospital.”
“You don’t want to tell her name?”
“No
“OK”
“We started talking and we hung around for an year or so. What I didn’t know was she is the breadwinner of the family. It was before three years and I haven’t changed a bit now. Seeing my way of life, she was not comfortable.”
“In what way?”
“She wanted security. A security of life for her and her family. I was not able to convince that I am one guy who can actually do what I enjoy doing and still make a home. She never thought I would grow up that much.”
“Yeah I have heard from your friends about your escapades with a rock band, trekking group, photograph tryst and everything. Those doesn’t seem like real professions even to me. But now you are earning.”
“Yes! I did it for her. Sometimes when you play guitar I feel the urge to take up the sticks and add my own percussion touches. But I don’t want that to come into mind anymore. I cannot just allow that to come into me again”
Girls always want security. I vividly remember the day when she asked me “Are you serious about our relationship. You are not going to go anywhere in this company. And we need a lot of money if we are getting married”
“Look Veronica, I cant just ditch this company. I know, its nothing wrong to do so but still I am emotionally attached to this organization as it provided me a shelter when I had nowhere to go. I have to give something back to the organization. Believe me, we can make it work. In a course of period, I will be earning more. “
She was not in the mood to listen anymore. Her parents were constantly sending her horoscopes and photographs and she was not able to wait for me to get settled. Wonder how people easily fall in love when they are in college, it takes more time for a man to settle than the girl thinks he should or could.
“But you still look happy. You often say people who doesn’t follow their heart wont be happy. I’ve never seen you dull as a matter of fact”
“Yes, I never wanted to look weak. So she had a better opportunity and moved to Hyderabad. She is now taking care of the family and I am still trying to convince her”
“You are??”
“Yes, Why?
“Why should you just hang on to somebody who had left you? She decided money over you. So what the point in thinking of bringing her back in your life? Do you think it will be same as before even when she is back?”
“This is what exactly she thinks too. It may not work like before. As a matter of fact nothing is same in our life for six months. We are silently agreeing to that. But we will not think of adjustments. “
“What makes you think she hadn’t found another guy?”
“If so, she would have done it here. She didn’t have to move totally to a new state just because she is tired of me. Come on man, we know lot of girls who break up and still hang around with some other guy in the same place”
“So?”
“She moved so that she can get some time. Atleast she can support me when I am juggling my career options. She has moved to feed her family, for relationship. Not for money”
Does he talk sense? Will Veronica would have done the same. I have heard from our common friends that she is climbing up the ladder so fast. So do I. But she wanted time, which I never gave her. When your girlfriends talk in “Its not gonna work” tone you tend to get insecure and irritate the girl. I am no exception. When she threw cold waves on me, I moved away.
“Walking to her office once in a month to get a no for an answer sucks. But still I love going there to show her that I am not over her yet”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“It does, but I cannot let myself discouraged by what she says. Behind her cold heart, she has warm feelings for me. Nobody other than me could feel that.”
“So that’s why you disappear all of a sudden and never bother to explain me where you had gone”
“You are such a nice guy! You will never disturb or try to control me. That’s why I am very comfortable with you. Even though you are not as open as me to you. But still that makes our friendship go a long way”
“Where do you think it will end?”
“She will be mine boss. She loved me as much as I loved her. If I am not over it, she is not. The way it hurts me when I think about the moments we shared is same as it would hurt her. Everybody is made up of flesh. Even for a thousand “NOs” I am going to go behind her, to risk everything I have got because without love there is no meaning in living”
The rain had stopped. Its time for me to leave home. I had to pack my bags to this month of my quota of No. But still the thought of seeing her made me very happy. My friend came till the door. I don’t know why I talked to too much today. The rains always do this to me.
Why am I thinking of going back and seeing her to get a NO? Why am I searching my backpack and an urge to book tickets. I shouldn’t have started it. The rain always does this to me
