And whatever may be the answer is – You are right!
There were times, that I felt uncomfortable of being myself inside and out. I’ve been asked why am I so not comfortable with me. There was this person, who was like my conscience, to whom I can be the actual me. And after writing this post, she had pinged me and asked whats your problem with being happy with yourself.
My reply was “I am balding, I am not in good shape. There are two holes in the place where eyes should be. In each and every photograph I am in I am not even able to find my eyes. My beer gut now shows. I walk like a duck. So what do you want me to be happy for?”
And she replied “Because, My brother is still a beautiful person”.
Nobody is born bald. I was not. I had good hair. I dont know the reason and I have not noticed it for so long. I always walked like a duck. Probably because I had two fractures, but not correcting the posture is never a good excuse. And inspite of these things I was so happy about being myself.
Yes! Because I was in love. The person you are in love with have this ability of finding the only good thing about you and talk about it. They talk about the books we read, the music we appreciate and our attitude. While struck in that magic spell we wouldnt realize that these may be a mere diversion as they cannot say “That you dont look good” at our face.
I was in relationship with this girl. She always used to hold my hands when we walk in the road. I was the same balding self before, but I would walk as if the whole world is mine. She rarely commented about my appearance. Once in a while when she took a photo of mine, the composition would be of tight frame starting from my forehead. And then there was difference of opinions, arguments and we were in the brink of breakup. In order to save the relationship, I went to her place, which was in a different state then. And when I started walking in she said “Your gait has become so different. You do actually walk like a duck like your friends say” At that moment I knew the magic was over and reality had sunk in.
The otherwise carefree person became so different and I started to care more for my hair, limbs and face. Thousands were spent on hair care and fairness creams, under eye creams. When we are desperate nothing works out. Same thing happened to me and I became bad to worse. And then I met another girl.
We went out for dinner and first thing she said when she got out of the auto was “your hair look horrible” I was not able to say anything. I tried my best to look presentable. But it was screwed. The following hours she listed all my short comings and I listened. I didnt have a choice. We had a good dinner. I suck at table manners and was criticized for that too. And when it was time to go home and she took the bus. The bus didnt start and I was standing by the window she was sitting, she said “Inspite of all those things, you are a beautiful soul Prasanna. Thats why I wanted to spend time with you” I never cared to buy any products then.
To know that people actually see the real you, than your hair, body and gait feels really awesome. There were some times when people said I look good, I was confused whether they were sarcastic or real. But then I realized now a days I started to smile more often. I stopped caring about what people saw and concentrated more on what I saw in the mirror. Now surrounded by friends and family, I have no reason to frown (At least for the time being). I should thank these people who are with me.
Here is a video which inspired me to write this. I wonder what would people tell about me.
And I almost for got to say. Whoever you are reading this, you are beautiful inside and out. There can be no one as amazing as YOU for the way you are. Just like me 🙂